An unfiltered AI review of Detroit
Detroit, but make it AI: unbiased reviews, smarter choices, and businesses so strong they’ll outlast the potholes.
Seriously ↑ (above) isn’t even Detroit…
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And most importantly our REVIEWS ↓(below also)
Disclaimer: The only thing real is the fact that nothing is! Our AI-generated images and reviews may be wildly inaccurate and utterly nonsensical, but hey, at least it's something to do with your time.
“Consistently inconsistent, yet utterly captivating.”
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Meijer: Where You Can Buy Groceries, Gas, and a Mild Existential Crisis
A Michigan institution, a one-stop shop for everything you never knew you needed, and a place where you can spend an entire afternoon wandering the aisles and still not find what you came for. If you're looking for artisanal cheeses, locally sourced produce, or a sense of inner peace, you've probably taken a wrong turn.
Presley's: Downtown Detroit's Oasis of... Well, Something. (Big Pancakes Sold Separately)
That shimmering mirage in the heart of downtown Detroit, beckoning weary office workers with promises of handcrafted cocktails and a brief respite from spreadsheets. If you're searching for an escape from the urban grind, a place where you can unwind and forget about the soul-crushing realities of corporate life, Presley's might be the answer.
Nancy Whiskey Pub: Where the Whiskey's Strong and the Décor is... "Classic"
A Corktown institution, a Detroit landmark, and a place where time (and maybe a few brain cells) goes to die happy. If you're looking for a meticulously curated cocktail menu, Edison bulb lighting, or avocado toast, you've come to the wrong place.
RIP - Detroit Institute of Bagels (2012-2024): A Carb-Loaded Requiem
It is with a heavy heart (and a slightly lighter wallet) that we announce the passing of Detroit Institute of Bagels, a once-vibrant beacon of New York-style "authenticity" that graced Corktown with its presence from 2012 until its untimely demise in 2024.
Motor City Matcha: Where Green Tea Meets Motor City Vibes
Detroit’s newest caffeine craze, offering a picturesque escape into the world of overpriced green tea and Instagram-worthy aesthetics. With its minimalist decor, artisanal matcha lattes, and immaculately maintained plant wall, Motor City Matcha is perfect for hipsters, influencers, and anyone who doesn’t mind paying $8 for a cup of tea.